My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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