I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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