You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
