I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
