if i died would you start the facebook group?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
