Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
zippers are such a cool invention
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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