I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
