I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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