Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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