He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
