Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
