It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
