your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
