ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
