I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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