Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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