wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
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The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
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Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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