he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
