i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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