Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
