he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
