well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
3 2 1 whiskey
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
