At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
