Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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