Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
