Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
nutella sex= disaster
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He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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