We won't sleep together?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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