Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just want nice things and good sex
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
