I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
