last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
