I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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