Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
