oh god the rape fog is back!
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
