I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
