after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
