i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I deserve this hangover.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
