why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
