i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
