K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
