life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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