I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
