I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
