That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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