I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
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we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
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but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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