i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
