i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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