there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I need to sanitize my soul.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
