omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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