btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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