Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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