Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
