We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
