Can Purell be used as lube?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
