Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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