this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
