there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
