Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
