wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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