I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
did i just pee glitter
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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