Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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