It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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