i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
