She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
